Can You Hear Me Now!
By: Dr. Mike Jones
Experts point out that every communication is really eight communications: what you mean to say, what you actually say, what the other person hears, what he thinks he hears, what he means to respond, what he actually responds, what you hear him say, and what you think you hear.
Studies show that on average, people only recall about 50% of what they heard immediately after hearing it. After two days, people only recall approximately 25%. Too often, even when we try to be a good listener, we end up passing judgement on the person, not on the message they are conveying. We can’t wait to come back with our own thoughts, and stop listening far too soon to the other person.
BARRIERS TO GOOD LISTENING
Good listening is more than just taking in information. It means understanding, communicating, and acknowledging other people’s feelings, both good and bad. And sometimes that not easy to do.
One reason that experts sat it’s hard to understand, communicate, and acknowledge other people’s feelings, is because WE listen a lot faster than most people can speak so our minds tend to wander instead of concentrating fully. We listen in 60 SECOND spurts – especially when it’s something that interest us. (Give an example)
HOW CAN WE REMOVE THE BARRIERS?
* Don’t act like you are a mind reader or assume that other people should know what you are thinking. For example, when Jane says, “It’s cold in here,” her husband Dan may wonder: Does she want me to turn up the thermostat, put another blanket on the baby, or make her a cup of tea? If Jane wanted something in particular, she should have just said it. But as a good listener, it’s Dan’s responsibility to get some clarification.
* Don’t let your own thoughts get in the way of what people are trying to say. For example: I wonder what he meant by that? Then we start wondering what we should say next and whether we should really say what is on our mind. By this time, WE’VE STOPPED LISTENING!
Child psychologists agree that the lack of listening done by parents with their children helps bring about shy and timid adults, which can take years to undo. When people feel they are being listened to, their ideas are allowed to unfold and there is happiness and more freedom to express themselves. When you find a good listener, you feel as though the other person is actually in your shoes, understanding your story and relating to your message. That is why you will find yourself going to the same people over and over again, who will listen genuinely, and why you stay away from those who can’t wait to argue your thoughts or tell their stories.
We could all become more effective listeners. Take some time out in the near future to listen to your children, your partner, co-workers, and even your enemies.
(Adapted from Mastering The Art of Good Listening; all Scripture references are taken from the KJV unless otherwise noted.)